How to Deal With Diffcult Parents

There are times when you will need to talk to parents about your academic concerns regarding their child. It's important to understand how to approach and work with parents so that you can ensure a successful outcome for all involved. 

When speaking to parents, teachers must realize that they are talking about a parent's pride and joy. Do not attack their child. Instead, communicate politely about the areas of concern. At the same time, focus on the child's positive attributes so that it does not seem like you are talking down on the child, but instead addressing concerns while giving positive feedback. Teachers need to work with parents as a team. It should not be one-sided. By working together, both sides can do their part in helping the child, and come up with ideas, strategies, and plans to implement in hopes of narrowing the concerns and enabling an environment where the child can reach their full potential.

If you are a teacher, then you must have noticed how parents can be at times. They get really frustrating, and there's no doubt that you may end up losing your temper. However, every teacher must know the ethics of working with parents. Most parents develop a certain level of animosity towards a teacher because of the way she acts with them. You wouldn't want that because you both should be working for the sake of your students. Therefore it is important that a teacher knows the 'how-tos' of working with parents to avoid complications.

Here are some tips for teachers to help them work with parents:

Be polite and patient

Some parents can't tolerate criticism of their kids. Thus you may see them defending their kid in front of you. Though it is a wrongful practice on a parent's side, you can't really stop it. What should you do then? You need to develop expressing your concerns without ruffling parents' feathers. It is true that some children are extremely problematic, and with such parents, the problem gets worse. Yet you need to remain patient and polite while working with parents.

Focus on the positive attributes of their child

Even the mildest of parents won't appreciate you complaining constantly about their kids. Some tips for teachers indicate that it is best to refer to some of their child's good qualities and appreciate those. However, make sure to inform parents in an encouraging tone about the areas the child needs to work on.

Never talk in front of the childIt is not good to talk about the kid in front of them. Whether it's about his virtues or vice, you shouldn't do it! Appreciating the kid in front of his parents would make him pompous. On the other hand, complaining about him can discourage him.

Make sure parents know you have the situation under control. At times, parents will visit you every day to ask you about their kid. This type of parents will also keep on interfering and trying to guide you to do your work 'better'. Don't let this happen! Try to convince them that you can handle the kid but need your space to do that. Also, avoid discussing your lesson plans with parents as they might have their suggestions or recommendations. You are the authority in your classroom, thus your lesson plans are based on what you think would benefit students.

Maintain secrecy to the child of your meetings with parents

Sometimes parents ask their kids about the teachers while the latter is right there. This gives some children the chance to come up with a number of complaints. Don't let this embarrassing predicament happen as it will demotivate you to work with the child. You are only human, so your emotions may rule your judgment at times. Ask parents gently yet firmly to meet you without their children present.

Keep performance or teacher worksheets close by

Performance or teacher worksheets are all the proof you would need to show a child's performance. Keep them close so that you can discuss your students' problem when meeting their parents. Without teacher worksheets, you might be thinking of what to discuss without creating complications.

Guide parents

At times, a child faces trouble in concentrating on studies due to certain family problems. Parents would not appreciate you trying to guide them, but you should point out that your student is being affected by his parents' personal issues.

Keep weekly meetings

Even if parents are coming to school everyday, avoid discussing things with them. Do that on a weekly basis or call them up whenever necessary.

Listen first, talk later

A very important tip that is very useful in this case. Never burst in front of parents. Instead, find out what complaints they have and counter them. Once you're done, you can point out what had not been discussed before.

Be motivating

Always keep a motivating attitude. Parents like a teacher who can offer them a glimmer of hope when it comes to their child's weaknesses instead of demoralizing them.

Don’t patronize

And when you reach out, be authentic. Don’t pretend to be their best friend, nor should have that “nipping problems in the bud” tone. Don’t worry about “holding your ground” either. Just reach out as an educator to a member of your own community. You’re not selling them anything, and they’re not selling you anything. You’re both dutifully and beautifully involved on either side of a child.

See yourself

No matter how important the education of a child is, realize you’re simply a single cog in the life of that family, no more or less important than keeping the lights on, their job security, food, and shelter, or any other reality of daily life.

Involve them

Keep your friends close and your…difficult parents…closer. Ask them to take on an authentic role in the classroom. Ask their opinion. Allow them to have a voice or show leadership. Give them a role in what their child learns. The fact that a parent has approaching zero authentic roles in the learning process of their children is part of our challenge as educators. Help them find one.

Put them in a position to succeed

Just like a student, put the parent in a position to succeed. They may not have had a good experience in school, either as students, with siblings of your student, etc. Give them a reason to believe that you have the best interest of the family at heart–and that includes them.

Establish a common ground

An old sales technique. A favorite athletic team–or dislike for a rival team. A personal philosophy. Your own struggle as a person. Something to humanize yourself, and establish the overlap between yourself and the parent.

Focus on the work

This is the opposite of teaching and learning, where you focus on the human being (the student). In conferences and communication with parents, you can both see the child and what’s “best for them” very differently, but academic work has a chance to be more objective. Focus on the work and academic performance, and what you and the parent and siblings and other teachers, etc., can do to support the student in their growth.

Even in the midst of difficult conversations, always do your best to steer the focus back on the work, and the child themselves. The former is data/evidence, the latter the reason for the data/evidence.

Give them a reason to see beyond the grade book

This is partly the problem with letter grades. So reductionist.

It’s easy to look at a grade book and both start and finish the conversation there. If that’s all they see, have a look at your curriculum and instruction, and see if you’ve given them ample opportunity to do otherwise. Talk less about missing work, and more about the promise and possibility of their child. Help them see that the school year is a marathon, not a series of sprints.

If all else fails…

If you have to, call for reinforcements, and document everything. Never feel bad about having another teacher in the room with you if you feel like a parent will be aggressive and you’re simply not comfortable with it. Better to depend on solidarity and hope than your own personal strength.

And document everything. Stay on top of grading, feedback, behavior management, missing assignments, your tone, sarcasm, etc. Document every call and email. Save exemplary work. Document differentiation, personalization, and other individual efforts in pursuit of the best interest of the student.

Whatever you do, no matter your analysis of the proximity between apples and trees, don’t hold the difficult parent “against” the child, even subconsciously.

Take it personally, then don’t

Last but not least, If you have a “difficult parent,” and in spite of your best efforts it all falls apart, I’d say don’t take it personally but it’s hard not to. So fine–internalize it. Own it. Talk to colleagues (better than a spouse, whose emotional reserves you may want to save for more pressing issues in education). Cry if you need to.

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